Tag Archives: awkward moments

Yo Mama . . .

I was picking my daughter up from school today, she was doing her daily round-up of the goings-on in Kindergarten: how many blue tickets she earned (good), who was sent to the “buddy room” (a.k.a. what we DON’T call time-out anymore)…the the usual.

We were dodging bikes, excited kids, and trying not to get smacked in the face by swinging backpacks. Then I overheard something that made me shake my head and laugh out loud.

A group of third graders were having a battle of “Yo Mama” jokes. Things were gettin’ real at the elementary school, people! This yo mama battle was intense. Someone’s mama was so fat, another so stupid, and someone else’s mama was something so bad that it could only be shared in a hushed whisper.

All I could think was: “Seriously? Yo mama jokes? Haven’t we come up with something better than that yet?”

According to gizmodo.com the oldest “yo mama” joke is 3500 years old:

Around 1,500 BCE, a student in ancient Babylon inscribed six riddles on a tablet. 3,500 years later, these proto-jokes lose a lot in the translation, but one thing’s for sure: the Babylonians are saying something about your mother.

I like to think that we, as a species, have evolved over time. We’ve had civil rights and women’s rights, we’ve eradicated deadly diseases, we’ve overthrown corrupt governments, but one thing remains . . . the “yo mama” joke.

Why is it always about the mothers?

Respect the Mamas, people!

Mothers lovingly raise you, they wipe your butt, cook your meals, drive you to football practice, dance class, boy scouts, 4-H! And yet, we take this constant playground punishment! Here’s one for you:

yomama2

 

I am going to skip the book review for this blog because we are currently on a rotation of 15 early reader Rescue Bots books. And I’m pretty sure, if you have a preschool aged boy or girl (my six-year-old daughter is also obsessed), you can guess what they are all about.

Instead, you can watch this video of the amazingly awesome 80’s inspired theme song!

Happy Birthday Mom

We’ve all had that moment as a mom when you take a deep breath, close your eyes, and try to get through the next 5 minutes. I know my mom did. And I know this because I just did the EXACT same thing I saw her do a million times when I was a kid.

Yes, the fear that every daughter has is slowly coming true: I am becoming my mother. And in a lot of ways, I consider myself one lucky daughter.

My mom is an amazing person, and an especially awesome grandma.

She is the one who began my love of reading, and now she is encouraging my kids to start the same journey. Just as she does so many young readers as the children’s librarian in my home town.

So on this day, her most special of days, I wanted to share a few of my favorite books from my childhood:

 

And, I want to add one more special book (which has come back to haunt me).

Planetanimals: Mission Zapton.

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I loved this book when I was little, begging my mom to read it to me over and over. And now, I find myself trudging through it with my little ones. The only problem is that it’s surprisingly awful, completely strange, and hardly makes any sense. The worst part is that it is REALLY long. Thank you mom for suffering through this one, and reading with me, and encouraging me to read on my own. Although the last one might have been a selfish excuse to not read this book anymore.

Happy Birthday, I love you.

 

 

Chasing a girl on a bike down a hill

It was like a scene from a movie. We were having a family evening at the park, I was pushing our little guy on his trike, and my husband was getting our four-year-old helmeted up and ready to ride her bike. It’s been a summer filled with trips to the pool, learning to be a fish. Most days it was too hot to go to the park and ride her bike. She hadn’t gone for a cruise on her cool Princess two-wheeler in a while.

Then there was that moment. That slo-motion, watching-in-horror moment that freezes you.

My husband and daughter caught up to us quickly, with him on his skateboard (where he sometimes hitches a ride like Marty in BACK TO THE FUTURE) and she on her bike. They got ahead of us quickly, cruising side by side. I only looked away for a moment. When I looked back, I saw my husband disappear full-speed down a steep grassy hill, running like mad. My daughter was nowhere to be seen. As my son and I hurried down the path to where they had last been seen, I watched as my husband sprinted after our daughter as she bombed down the hill, holding tight, feet no longer on the pedals. She was heading full-speed towards a very large, very sturdy tree, and picking up speed.

All ended well, but that was a close call.

As we explained (once again) how the brakes on her bike worked, I looked closely at her face. I quickly noticed that there wasn’t any fear . . . only excitement. She had absolutely no idea that she was about to crash head-first into a tree (and possibly inadvertently aiming straight for it). She didn’t see the panic/relief on her father’s face, didn’t know that he was about to kick off his shoes (loosely laced Converse) so that he could run even faster, and was even contemplating diving to catch her as the tree approached. All she knew was that she went fast, really, really fast, down a steep grassy hill!

That was when the panic in her mother’s face set in. How am I supposed to catch her as she plummets into life? How can I warn her about the “trees” without killing the excitement of going fast? Because let’s be honest…going fast is the best part!

Our fearless little girl is about to turn five. She started preschool this year, and I want so badly to slow down time. But that’s not an option. So for now, we run full-speed to catch her, to keep her safe, and protected. But we let her explore, we let her go fast, and we let her learn. All this in hope that the lessons along the way come together, and she can learn to slow down, or at least go around the trees.

My review this week is Crab Cab (Flip-A-Word Series) by Harriet ZiefertYukiko Kido

Crab Cab

This is an amazing book for teaching early readers to sound out words. The book is divided into three word families, -ab, -ot, and -it. Each page is either divided in half or has a peeking hole to foreshadow the next word. The best part was that after only one reading, my four-year-old could sound out/read the entire book by herself! The second best part was found in the “-ot” family and featured a witch blowing her nose into a cauldron . . . the “Snot Pot.” My two kids loved this book! Early reader books are abundant, but this one was a definite success. And we are going to go on the hunt for more on our next trip to the library.

Outside Looking In

Here’s a hypothetical situation: Let’s say that you and your two “hypothetical” children come home from the pool, exhausted, a little sunburned, but happy. The oldest gets in the tub to rinse off the chlorine, the youngest you strip down to a diaper–he is next in line for the tub. Then you step outside for a quick moment so you can hang all of the wet bathing suits, pool toys, and wet towels on the balcony to dry. (You’ll be back to the pool tomorrow, and everything will be dry by then).

You close the balcony door as you go out (wouldn’t want to waste that glorious air conditioning, you’re on a budget after all). Once everything is secured and blowing in the breeze, you take a moment to consider what to make for supper. After deciding on “breakfast food for dinner”, (thankfully, a family favorite), you go to open the door, and find it is locked . . .

On the "line"

Staring back at you is the cutest two-year-old that you have ever seen. He resembles a little naked garden gnome. And he is SO proud that he finally figured out how to get the little lever to go down on the door. You never noticed how soundproof balcony doors are until this moment. You find yourself shouting, doing wild arm movements,  along with over-exaggerated hand gestures  and sign language attempts in order to get said garden gnome to lift the lever up. But he stares at you blankly, wondering why you aren’t coming in to fix supper.

It’s time to change tactics.

“GO GET DADDY!”

This is followed by more knocking, more pointing, more laughing. The laughing is strictly coming from the mostly naked 2-year old, thinking we’re playing a new silly game.

“GO–GET–DADDY! MOM–NEEDS–HELP! HELP MOM!”

The little guy runs away, comes back, runs away, comes back. Each time he is grinning, or playing peek-a-boo from around the corner, or behind the couch.

“GO GET DADDY”

You try this method several more times, each time with the same result. There is one more person in your apartment, so it is time for Plan C.

“GO GET YOUR SISTER!  TELL HER MOMMY NEEDS HELP!”

Once again, he runs away and comes back grinning. What seems like an hour goes by, but it’s probably only fifteen minutes.

Finally, you see your husband. All this time, he’s been cordoned off in the bedroom/office/art studio with ear plugs in, working on homework for his online class.

Ah. Rescued at last…or not.

He doesn’t immediately come to the rescue…?  He’s talking to your oldest child, who is still in the bathtub, calling for mom. Then he looks at you, on the balcony, giving you a look that says why are you out there on the balcony pondering life while your children clearly need you?  You can see frustration in his eyes, wondering why that kid is only wearing a diaper, and why that one has been hollering at you for the last ten minutes.

You point at the door latch, distinctly, three times.

And then you see it–the “hypothetical” light bulb. Twenty-five minutes later, you are free!

Thank God for husbands who (eventually) come to the rescue.

There’s probably a beautiful metaphor here about seeing your family from the outside, but I’m really just glad that there was eventually someone to unlock the door. It was REALLY hot outside, and I might have been “hypothetically” wearing my swimsuit.

That being said…

In honor of my truly awkward moment, my book review this week is Liesl Shurtliff’s Rump: The True Story of Rumpelstiltskin. In this new telling of the classic tale, Shurtliff makes the villain of Rumpelstiltskin into an unlikely, and very awkward hero.

There are a ton of fairy tale retells out right now (new and old, and in varying genres), Sister’s Grimm, Wicked, The Lunar Chronicles, etc. I’ve read a lot of the YA and Middle Grade ones. Rump did little to break the mold, but I wasn’t disappointed. In fact, I really enjoyed this book.

There was a simplicity to it that didn’t overcomplicate the original story with needless extras just to prove that this “new” version was better than the last. Shurtliff included other fairy tale characters in varying degrees, including Red (Little Red Riding Hood) as Rump’s only friend. There were also many traditional fairy tale creatures such as pixies, who were a bit like gold-obsessed bugs, and gnomes, who were the message delivery service of the time.

If you don’t LOVE fairy tale retells, then Rump will probably do little to change your mind. However, if you are like me and enjoy the familiarity of old characters in new situations, you will not be disappointed.

http://lieslshurtliff.com